This course has been a great resource for me in my personal development. I have felt that each new chapter has provided me insight into the ways in which I communicate with others, the ways in which they communicate with me, and into the various forms of communication itself. There have been many eye-opening moments of realization when I have thought to myself, I do that, or I should do that, or now I know why he does that. One of the best aspects of this subject is that it gives us perspective on ourselves, on others as individuals, and on the human race as a whole. We see that the ways in which we all communicate are very similar to one another.
I didn’t know what to expect when I first started this course but I found it interesting and positive. It truly seems that if we were able to expose our flaws in communication and perception we could form much stronger bonds in relationships and lead much happier lives. With each chapter I found some aspect of myself that I could improve or else better understood someone’s behavior. With these new skills and perceptive abilities I am able to function on a much higher level and communicate much more effectively. I plan on continuing my studies of how we communicate and to keep observing others and myself so that I may improve my relationships.
Life is made up of relationships, some of which are the most important things we have. People spend their whole lives cultivating and caring for others and it can often be a struggle. Interpersonal communication is a tool for us to use in keeping these relationships happy, healthy, and functioning smoothly throughout their lifetime.
Thanks for reading, Sten
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Perceiving Conflict
In his chapter on conflict, Floyd presents us with a list of ways in which conflict is often thought of. Some of his examples include a game, a struggle, a dance, and a war. When I read this I immediately asked myself, how do I perceive conflict and how should I perceive it. The answer to my first question wasn’t very positive. I determined that I perceived conflict as a struggle and an attack. I take it personally and I do not easily change my position. Obviously, that is not an appropriate way to behave in situations I will partake in for my whole life. Conflict is not pleasant, but it is inescapable. The best course of action is in developing positive ways of handling it that will benefit all those involved.
My tendency to take personal what in most cases are just differences of opinions, makes it more difficult for me to compromise and causes the conflict to escalate unnecessarily. After determining that I had an unhealthy method of handling conflict, I attempted to determine what a healthy one would consist of. So, in determining that conflict is a perceived problem, I realized that handling conflict should be viewed as problem solving. I feel that this is an appropriate and realistic way to handle conflict, and that instead of viewing it as a struggle to be avoided, conflict should be seen as opportunity to work with others to find solutions.
Interpersonal conflict is a part of life. There will always be different people with different needs that conflict with our own. These people are not enemies; they are not trying to take anything away from us, they simply have a need that seemingly conflicts with our own. I say that the ideal coping mechanism for this situation is to learn to problem solve and compromise and walk away from the situation without a conflict.
My tendency to take personal what in most cases are just differences of opinions, makes it more difficult for me to compromise and causes the conflict to escalate unnecessarily. After determining that I had an unhealthy method of handling conflict, I attempted to determine what a healthy one would consist of. So, in determining that conflict is a perceived problem, I realized that handling conflict should be viewed as problem solving. I feel that this is an appropriate and realistic way to handle conflict, and that instead of viewing it as a struggle to be avoided, conflict should be seen as opportunity to work with others to find solutions.
Interpersonal conflict is a part of life. There will always be different people with different needs that conflict with our own. These people are not enemies; they are not trying to take anything away from us, they simply have a need that seemingly conflicts with our own. I say that the ideal coping mechanism for this situation is to learn to problem solve and compromise and walk away from the situation without a conflict.
Attribution Errors
In his discussion on perception, Floyd describes the three most common attribution errors. The author describes these habits as “mental shortcuts” we take when attempting to explain the actions of others.
The first attribution error that Floyd describes is the self-serving bias. The self-serving bias is our tendency to attribute our success to “stable internal causes” and our failure to “unstable external causes” (145). Even though this tendency seems to reflect our need to stay positive it is still a misconception in judgment. If we base our future judgments on these misconceptions we are sure to reach inaccurate conclusions. We are much better off judging our successes and failures as they are and learning from our correct assessment of them.
Floyd goes on to describe the fundamental attribution error, which is our tendency to blame other’s behavior on internal causes rather than external ones. It is interesting that we have a natural tendency to attribute our own flaws to external factors but other’s flaws to internal ones. It seems that we would extend the same courtesy to others that we do to ourselves. In committing this attribution error we create problems that would otherwise not exist.
The third and final of the most common attribution errors that Floyd describes is overatribution. In overatribution we choose one characteristic about an individual and attribute all of their actions to that trait. In doing this we overlook the real reasons for peoples actions. Our misconceptions can cause problems in our communications and overall relationships with these individuals.
In general, the attribution errors are ways in which we think that make it easier for us to understand the actions of others and the things that happen to us. In committing these misconceptions we come to incorrect conclusions and delude the reality of the situation.
The first attribution error that Floyd describes is the self-serving bias. The self-serving bias is our tendency to attribute our success to “stable internal causes” and our failure to “unstable external causes” (145). Even though this tendency seems to reflect our need to stay positive it is still a misconception in judgment. If we base our future judgments on these misconceptions we are sure to reach inaccurate conclusions. We are much better off judging our successes and failures as they are and learning from our correct assessment of them.
Floyd goes on to describe the fundamental attribution error, which is our tendency to blame other’s behavior on internal causes rather than external ones. It is interesting that we have a natural tendency to attribute our own flaws to external factors but other’s flaws to internal ones. It seems that we would extend the same courtesy to others that we do to ourselves. In committing this attribution error we create problems that would otherwise not exist.
The third and final of the most common attribution errors that Floyd describes is overatribution. In overatribution we choose one characteristic about an individual and attribute all of their actions to that trait. In doing this we overlook the real reasons for peoples actions. Our misconceptions can cause problems in our communications and overall relationships with these individuals.
In general, the attribution errors are ways in which we think that make it easier for us to understand the actions of others and the things that happen to us. In committing these misconceptions we come to incorrect conclusions and delude the reality of the situation.
Family Tradition
In describing communication issues among families, Kory Floyd highlights family rituals and family stories as two ways in which we create a sense of belonging and definition among our family members. Floyd points out that family traditions reinforce values and that our stories will often “convey an underlying message about the family” (361).
Growing up in my family, traditions were very important. Some of our rituals included Christmas at my grandparent’s, summer beach trips, and Bush Gardens at least once a year. As the years passed our traditions would evolve. New members would be invited to join and the specifics of our trips would be tweaked according to our changing wants and needs. What was always certain though was that the minute you were included in these trips, you were family.
I have always had a loose definition of family. Mainly it seems like whoever you chose to invite into your home and share your rituals with is a part of your family. Floyd acknowledges that tradition can be especially important for these types of blended families.
Inevitably through years of adventuring the stories surrounding the events emerge, telling of the wild times that our traditions produced. These stories serve to glorify the rituals and the family members, pointing out strengths and eccentricities and acting as historical references to the people and places we have loved.
I am now almost thirty and my family still has very specific traditions. Not only am I a part of these but I have become a part of my wife’s family’s rituals and we are creating new rituals of our own. These traditions help to give our families a sense of unity and define the people we are and the things that are important to us. The stories surrounding them reinforce these traditions and keep our old memories alive.
Growing up in my family, traditions were very important. Some of our rituals included Christmas at my grandparent’s, summer beach trips, and Bush Gardens at least once a year. As the years passed our traditions would evolve. New members would be invited to join and the specifics of our trips would be tweaked according to our changing wants and needs. What was always certain though was that the minute you were included in these trips, you were family.
I have always had a loose definition of family. Mainly it seems like whoever you chose to invite into your home and share your rituals with is a part of your family. Floyd acknowledges that tradition can be especially important for these types of blended families.
Inevitably through years of adventuring the stories surrounding the events emerge, telling of the wild times that our traditions produced. These stories serve to glorify the rituals and the family members, pointing out strengths and eccentricities and acting as historical references to the people and places we have loved.
I am now almost thirty and my family still has very specific traditions. Not only am I a part of these but I have become a part of my wife’s family’s rituals and we are creating new rituals of our own. These traditions help to give our families a sense of unity and define the people we are and the things that are important to us. The stories surrounding them reinforce these traditions and keep our old memories alive.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Information Overload
As a married man with a houseful of pets, a homeowner, a fulltime employee, and a student I find myself in a constant battle with information overload. I take care of school and personal business during my lunch hour at work. I see to my pets while I’m doing my schoolwork. I’m on the phone with my family as I’m playing with the pets. All the while, friends and coworkers are in out, the TV is on, the radio is playing, and my mind can’t settle on any of it.
In our wired world where our Email is constantly there in our Blackberry, and we can surf the web with our smart phone no matter where we are, do we sacrifice focus for convenience? Our text points out that the average American sees 600 to 625 advertising messages each day (272). At this point we are being distracted from our distractions. So, while I am having a pleasant evening with friends and family, the TV will be on, I will Google the actors on my smart phone, and both distractions will advertise targeted products to me the entire time. There will be ads for my smart phone on TV and ads for TV on my smart phone, and most likely someone on the show I’m watching will be doing the same thing. But I really can’t be sure because I’ll be half paying attention to the funny story someone’s telling in the kitchen.
Technology has made information nearly ubiquitous and I wouldn’t know what to do without it. I’m glad I have Email and can Google my curiosities. Sometimes though, all the resources want my attention at once and my eyes will bounce from screen to screen to book to window, and that’s when I know its time to shut something down.
In our wired world where our Email is constantly there in our Blackberry, and we can surf the web with our smart phone no matter where we are, do we sacrifice focus for convenience? Our text points out that the average American sees 600 to 625 advertising messages each day (272). At this point we are being distracted from our distractions. So, while I am having a pleasant evening with friends and family, the TV will be on, I will Google the actors on my smart phone, and both distractions will advertise targeted products to me the entire time. There will be ads for my smart phone on TV and ads for TV on my smart phone, and most likely someone on the show I’m watching will be doing the same thing. But I really can’t be sure because I’ll be half paying attention to the funny story someone’s telling in the kitchen.
Technology has made information nearly ubiquitous and I wouldn’t know what to do without it. I’m glad I have Email and can Google my curiosities. Sometimes though, all the resources want my attention at once and my eyes will bounce from screen to screen to book to window, and that’s when I know its time to shut something down.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Touch Communication
As Floyd points out in our text, a human’s sense of touch is the only one of the five senses that they cannot live without (224). Indeed, I can hardly imagine a life in which I was unable to feel. Affectionate touching is to me the most obvious type of touch communication, and also the most important. There doesn’t seem to be any better way of letting someone know that you care about them than by placing an understanding hand on his or her shoulder. The physical connection can be stronger than even the most heartfelt verbal reminder that you are there for them. The same is true when you tell someone you love them. The meaning is there but your feelings may be better represented through a hug or a kiss. Perhaps this is due to the old cliché, actions speak louder than words. Or maybe touch bypasses all the symbolic deciphering that our minds must cycle through when interpreting words or visual cues. In any case, touch speaks to something more primal and therefore more believable.
Words are generally thought of as a nonphysical act where as touch is completely physical in its nature. It seems then, that touch is a more straightforward and proactive way to express our feelings. A wife might say to her husband, “you tell me you love me but how do you show me?” An effective way of showing her may be through a warm embrace. This is a primary reason why touch communication is so effective, we see the act of touching as a concrete message as oppose to words, which we know are easily manipulated. As another cliché says, talk is cheap.
Touching in communication seems to blur the lines between sender and receiver. The physical connection between the two communicating bodies seems to invite the idea that the two are one being and is perhaps even intrapersonal in some respects. The intimacy and trust brought on by touch in both sender and receiver fosters open, meaningful communication.
Words are generally thought of as a nonphysical act where as touch is completely physical in its nature. It seems then, that touch is a more straightforward and proactive way to express our feelings. A wife might say to her husband, “you tell me you love me but how do you show me?” An effective way of showing her may be through a warm embrace. This is a primary reason why touch communication is so effective, we see the act of touching as a concrete message as oppose to words, which we know are easily manipulated. As another cliché says, talk is cheap.
Touching in communication seems to blur the lines between sender and receiver. The physical connection between the two communicating bodies seems to invite the idea that the two are one being and is perhaps even intrapersonal in some respects. The intimacy and trust brought on by touch in both sender and receiver fosters open, meaningful communication.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Anonymous Rage
Looking back to when I first discovered the Internet, all that I can really remember are the chat rooms. What sticks out in my memory most about them is how friends and I would use them to harass people. There were no real names involved and certainly no faces. The anonymity of the situation absolved you from punishment and the physical distanced harbored you from any real retaliation. The fact that our victims were just as nameless and faraway from us as we were from them made our antagonistic behavior that much easier to reconcile.
In Bordia’s synthesis of face-to-face versus computer-mediated communication one of his propositions is that “CMC induces a state of deindividuation, which in turn leads to uninhibited behavior” (p. 108). Deindiviuation is when one is no longer viewed as an individual and it is thought that anonymity plays a major role in its development. Although not all of the studies that Bordia takes into account support this proposition, my personal experience does.
Another instance where I have experienced this effect, and where deindividuation is likely the cause, is in the comments section of certain news websites. This section is meant for readers so that they may post their opinions of the news content they read. What I found, is that the users of these utilities have no inhibitions when it comes to posting what Bordia refers to as “flaming” language (p. 107). Although politics can be extremely personal and inflammatory, the extent of the anger displayed and the unbridled negativity is unnerving.
CMC or not, it is troubling that individuals find it necessary to hurt each other in order to make themselves feel strong. The sheer amount of anger evident in these sections is a worry as well. Perhaps our communication in general is lacking something if so many people turn to anonymous rage in order to voice their opinions.
Bordia, P. (1997).
Face-to-face versus computer-mediated communication: A synthesis of the
experimental literature. Journal of Business Communication, 34(1), 99-120.
In Bordia’s synthesis of face-to-face versus computer-mediated communication one of his propositions is that “CMC induces a state of deindividuation, which in turn leads to uninhibited behavior” (p. 108). Deindiviuation is when one is no longer viewed as an individual and it is thought that anonymity plays a major role in its development. Although not all of the studies that Bordia takes into account support this proposition, my personal experience does.
Another instance where I have experienced this effect, and where deindividuation is likely the cause, is in the comments section of certain news websites. This section is meant for readers so that they may post their opinions of the news content they read. What I found, is that the users of these utilities have no inhibitions when it comes to posting what Bordia refers to as “flaming” language (p. 107). Although politics can be extremely personal and inflammatory, the extent of the anger displayed and the unbridled negativity is unnerving.
CMC or not, it is troubling that individuals find it necessary to hurt each other in order to make themselves feel strong. The sheer amount of anger evident in these sections is a worry as well. Perhaps our communication in general is lacking something if so many people turn to anonymous rage in order to voice their opinions.
Bordia, P. (1997).
Face-to-face versus computer-mediated communication: A synthesis of the
experimental literature. Journal of Business Communication, 34(1), 99-120.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Language
Language is a fascinating and multifaceted practice. As a student I use it meticulously, to describe ideas and analyze concepts. As an employee its use is functional, as a direct and precise representation of the facts. As an artist I will use language to portray mood and invoke emotion. When we speak and write we are constantly facing choices of not just what to say but how we say it, because in reality they are the same thing.
Lets think about the process. First there is a thought, unshaped by words and perfect in its contextual-less meaning. We then have to break down this thought into language in order to communicate it to others. Here is where having a fine tuned skill set of grammar and vocabulary will allow your thought to either be spoken fluently or lost among uncertainty. Communication is a process. Though it may seem as though our thoughts flow out into words on a page there is a step between.
The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis seems to find some limits here. Although it seems self-apparent that language influences culture and individuals, shouldn’t the hypothesis be reversed? After all we were not created by language. We developed language over the centuries in order to serve are own needs and it is still developing. As a society we must have realized and acted upon all of our concepts before there were words to describe them. Societies and individuals create languages not the other way around.
That said, language choice is extremely influential in determining meaning. Extreme examples of this are uses of doublespeak such as collateral damage and enhanced interrogation. The use of these terms is to deliberately shape the publics perceptions of the reality behind them, as when President Obama’s administration opted to stop using the term “war on terror”. The situation is the same whether we call it war or not. The difference is in how the public feels about the situation and in turn how they might influence it.
Lets think about the process. First there is a thought, unshaped by words and perfect in its contextual-less meaning. We then have to break down this thought into language in order to communicate it to others. Here is where having a fine tuned skill set of grammar and vocabulary will allow your thought to either be spoken fluently or lost among uncertainty. Communication is a process. Though it may seem as though our thoughts flow out into words on a page there is a step between.
The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis seems to find some limits here. Although it seems self-apparent that language influences culture and individuals, shouldn’t the hypothesis be reversed? After all we were not created by language. We developed language over the centuries in order to serve are own needs and it is still developing. As a society we must have realized and acted upon all of our concepts before there were words to describe them. Societies and individuals create languages not the other way around.
That said, language choice is extremely influential in determining meaning. Extreme examples of this are uses of doublespeak such as collateral damage and enhanced interrogation. The use of these terms is to deliberately shape the publics perceptions of the reality behind them, as when President Obama’s administration opted to stop using the term “war on terror”. The situation is the same whether we call it war or not. The difference is in how the public feels about the situation and in turn how they might influence it.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I was raised by my mother in a single parent home. She was, and still is, a “career woman” who provided for us to the point where I never in my life have felt unstable. As a teenager, many of my friends were also from divorced homes, and it all felt pretty normal. Truthfully, what felt awkward was a happily married couple taking active rolls in their children’s daily activities. As a slightly jaded and independent young man I typically did not prefer this scenario.
Looking back though, I realize that perhaps the real reason that I felt uncomfortable in these situations was the presence of the father. There was very little older male influence for me growing up and I noticed that with this influence came a whole new set of rules that I was not used to and did not like. Even my own father, whom I love and respect very much, was not one to impose his discipline on me.
My home life was a lesson in feminine culture. Nurturing, beautiful, and creative, even my mother’s career was an example of how feminine cultures place less emphasis on gender roles (Floyd 51). The problem lay in that my families’ values were not and are not the norm in the rest of society. I am not claiming that this is a problem for society necessarily, but it was a problem for me growing up and trying to socialize.
The masculine home had more order. There were more valuables you couldn’t touch, more rules to the games you played, more supervision, the wife often didn’t work, and the father was often a somewhat aloof figurehead, all correlating with a traditionally more achievement based masculine culture (Floyd 51).
I do not disagree with the values of a more traditionally masculine way of life. I know that the boundaries are there for our protection and that the competitiveness is designed to help us achieve. However, I still have to make a conscious effort in adapting to such an environment. It is my hope that when it comes time to raise my own family my wife and I will be able to encourage the positives of both masculine and feminine culture and produce a child that is comfortable in either.
Floyd, Kory. "Culture and Gender." Interpersonal Communication: The Whole Story. Ed. Nina Meyer. USA: McGraw-Hill, 2010. 51-52. Print.
Looking back though, I realize that perhaps the real reason that I felt uncomfortable in these situations was the presence of the father. There was very little older male influence for me growing up and I noticed that with this influence came a whole new set of rules that I was not used to and did not like. Even my own father, whom I love and respect very much, was not one to impose his discipline on me.
My home life was a lesson in feminine culture. Nurturing, beautiful, and creative, even my mother’s career was an example of how feminine cultures place less emphasis on gender roles (Floyd 51). The problem lay in that my families’ values were not and are not the norm in the rest of society. I am not claiming that this is a problem for society necessarily, but it was a problem for me growing up and trying to socialize.
The masculine home had more order. There were more valuables you couldn’t touch, more rules to the games you played, more supervision, the wife often didn’t work, and the father was often a somewhat aloof figurehead, all correlating with a traditionally more achievement based masculine culture (Floyd 51).
I do not disagree with the values of a more traditionally masculine way of life. I know that the boundaries are there for our protection and that the competitiveness is designed to help us achieve. However, I still have to make a conscious effort in adapting to such an environment. It is my hope that when it comes time to raise my own family my wife and I will be able to encourage the positives of both masculine and feminine culture and produce a child that is comfortable in either.
Floyd, Kory. "Culture and Gender." Interpersonal Communication: The Whole Story. Ed. Nina Meyer. USA: McGraw-Hill, 2010. 51-52. Print.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
My First Communications Course
Interpersonal Communication is my first Communications course and I am already intrigued. It always amazes me when I first approach the study of a subject how my initial feelings toward it, derived from practical experience, contrast with the science and actuality of it. I suppose deep down I see myself as a smart person but as soon as I step into a new field of knowledge that has been studied and broken down by those that have made it their life’s work to do so, all my preconceptions fall apart. At this point I am left confused as to why my beliefs were so far off and eager to learn more.
Already from my first readings I feel this way. My ego has been deflated and I lay at the feet of the subject’s initial blow wondering where I am and how I find my way back to feeling smart. It seems odd to me that a subject as basic as communication between people could be so deeply studied as a science and its parameters so well defined. It almost makes me angry that professionals are lurking about studying my interactions with friends, family members, and everyone else, formulaically deciphering my actions. And why are they there? So that they know exactly what buttons to push when they are trying to sell me the latest and greatest whatever? Or is the answer more pure… Does the Communications Scientist seek to understand me so that they may better understand themselves and the entire human condition? This is my hope and the basis of what I aspire to take away from this course.
I would like to become a better communicator. I would like to be a better listener, a better interpreter, and a better presenter, and I believe that by having a more intimate understanding of how this process functions I may become so. In preparing my admissions application to NCSU I began to realize how important it was that every word I wrote convey my feelings accurately. The responses had to be only fifty words and I found myself cutting back in order to make two words convey the same idea as a sentence had before; And I liked it. I liked that I was being so specific and that there were perfect words for the feelings that I wanted to express and that all I had to do was work a little harder and that they would present themselves. I felt sharper. It was as though my ability to present myself accurately created clarity in my own mind. My expression was a path to self-discovery.
The major I listed on my application was Communications Media. I am an audiovisual technician with a background in music, art, and production. I was not accepted as a degree student but I still plan to be. This class is the basis of my future major and I intend to envelop every aspect of it in order to set myself up for success in my future studies. It is a personal interest as well as an academic and a professional one. I am enthralled to be a part of this learning experience and have a chance to absorb my classmates' ideas while in turn portraying my own thoughts on the topics to be presented. I appreciate this opportunity and I thank you for listening.
Already from my first readings I feel this way. My ego has been deflated and I lay at the feet of the subject’s initial blow wondering where I am and how I find my way back to feeling smart. It seems odd to me that a subject as basic as communication between people could be so deeply studied as a science and its parameters so well defined. It almost makes me angry that professionals are lurking about studying my interactions with friends, family members, and everyone else, formulaically deciphering my actions. And why are they there? So that they know exactly what buttons to push when they are trying to sell me the latest and greatest whatever? Or is the answer more pure… Does the Communications Scientist seek to understand me so that they may better understand themselves and the entire human condition? This is my hope and the basis of what I aspire to take away from this course.
I would like to become a better communicator. I would like to be a better listener, a better interpreter, and a better presenter, and I believe that by having a more intimate understanding of how this process functions I may become so. In preparing my admissions application to NCSU I began to realize how important it was that every word I wrote convey my feelings accurately. The responses had to be only fifty words and I found myself cutting back in order to make two words convey the same idea as a sentence had before; And I liked it. I liked that I was being so specific and that there were perfect words for the feelings that I wanted to express and that all I had to do was work a little harder and that they would present themselves. I felt sharper. It was as though my ability to present myself accurately created clarity in my own mind. My expression was a path to self-discovery.
The major I listed on my application was Communications Media. I am an audiovisual technician with a background in music, art, and production. I was not accepted as a degree student but I still plan to be. This class is the basis of my future major and I intend to envelop every aspect of it in order to set myself up for success in my future studies. It is a personal interest as well as an academic and a professional one. I am enthralled to be a part of this learning experience and have a chance to absorb my classmates' ideas while in turn portraying my own thoughts on the topics to be presented. I appreciate this opportunity and I thank you for listening.
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