This course has been a great resource for me in my personal development. I have felt that each new chapter has provided me insight into the ways in which I communicate with others, the ways in which they communicate with me, and into the various forms of communication itself. There have been many eye-opening moments of realization when I have thought to myself, I do that, or I should do that, or now I know why he does that. One of the best aspects of this subject is that it gives us perspective on ourselves, on others as individuals, and on the human race as a whole. We see that the ways in which we all communicate are very similar to one another.
I didn’t know what to expect when I first started this course but I found it interesting and positive. It truly seems that if we were able to expose our flaws in communication and perception we could form much stronger bonds in relationships and lead much happier lives. With each chapter I found some aspect of myself that I could improve or else better understood someone’s behavior. With these new skills and perceptive abilities I am able to function on a much higher level and communicate much more effectively. I plan on continuing my studies of how we communicate and to keep observing others and myself so that I may improve my relationships.
Life is made up of relationships, some of which are the most important things we have. People spend their whole lives cultivating and caring for others and it can often be a struggle. Interpersonal communication is a tool for us to use in keeping these relationships happy, healthy, and functioning smoothly throughout their lifetime.
Thanks for reading, Sten
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Perceiving Conflict
In his chapter on conflict, Floyd presents us with a list of ways in which conflict is often thought of. Some of his examples include a game, a struggle, a dance, and a war. When I read this I immediately asked myself, how do I perceive conflict and how should I perceive it. The answer to my first question wasn’t very positive. I determined that I perceived conflict as a struggle and an attack. I take it personally and I do not easily change my position. Obviously, that is not an appropriate way to behave in situations I will partake in for my whole life. Conflict is not pleasant, but it is inescapable. The best course of action is in developing positive ways of handling it that will benefit all those involved.
My tendency to take personal what in most cases are just differences of opinions, makes it more difficult for me to compromise and causes the conflict to escalate unnecessarily. After determining that I had an unhealthy method of handling conflict, I attempted to determine what a healthy one would consist of. So, in determining that conflict is a perceived problem, I realized that handling conflict should be viewed as problem solving. I feel that this is an appropriate and realistic way to handle conflict, and that instead of viewing it as a struggle to be avoided, conflict should be seen as opportunity to work with others to find solutions.
Interpersonal conflict is a part of life. There will always be different people with different needs that conflict with our own. These people are not enemies; they are not trying to take anything away from us, they simply have a need that seemingly conflicts with our own. I say that the ideal coping mechanism for this situation is to learn to problem solve and compromise and walk away from the situation without a conflict.
My tendency to take personal what in most cases are just differences of opinions, makes it more difficult for me to compromise and causes the conflict to escalate unnecessarily. After determining that I had an unhealthy method of handling conflict, I attempted to determine what a healthy one would consist of. So, in determining that conflict is a perceived problem, I realized that handling conflict should be viewed as problem solving. I feel that this is an appropriate and realistic way to handle conflict, and that instead of viewing it as a struggle to be avoided, conflict should be seen as opportunity to work with others to find solutions.
Interpersonal conflict is a part of life. There will always be different people with different needs that conflict with our own. These people are not enemies; they are not trying to take anything away from us, they simply have a need that seemingly conflicts with our own. I say that the ideal coping mechanism for this situation is to learn to problem solve and compromise and walk away from the situation without a conflict.
Attribution Errors
In his discussion on perception, Floyd describes the three most common attribution errors. The author describes these habits as “mental shortcuts” we take when attempting to explain the actions of others.
The first attribution error that Floyd describes is the self-serving bias. The self-serving bias is our tendency to attribute our success to “stable internal causes” and our failure to “unstable external causes” (145). Even though this tendency seems to reflect our need to stay positive it is still a misconception in judgment. If we base our future judgments on these misconceptions we are sure to reach inaccurate conclusions. We are much better off judging our successes and failures as they are and learning from our correct assessment of them.
Floyd goes on to describe the fundamental attribution error, which is our tendency to blame other’s behavior on internal causes rather than external ones. It is interesting that we have a natural tendency to attribute our own flaws to external factors but other’s flaws to internal ones. It seems that we would extend the same courtesy to others that we do to ourselves. In committing this attribution error we create problems that would otherwise not exist.
The third and final of the most common attribution errors that Floyd describes is overatribution. In overatribution we choose one characteristic about an individual and attribute all of their actions to that trait. In doing this we overlook the real reasons for peoples actions. Our misconceptions can cause problems in our communications and overall relationships with these individuals.
In general, the attribution errors are ways in which we think that make it easier for us to understand the actions of others and the things that happen to us. In committing these misconceptions we come to incorrect conclusions and delude the reality of the situation.
The first attribution error that Floyd describes is the self-serving bias. The self-serving bias is our tendency to attribute our success to “stable internal causes” and our failure to “unstable external causes” (145). Even though this tendency seems to reflect our need to stay positive it is still a misconception in judgment. If we base our future judgments on these misconceptions we are sure to reach inaccurate conclusions. We are much better off judging our successes and failures as they are and learning from our correct assessment of them.
Floyd goes on to describe the fundamental attribution error, which is our tendency to blame other’s behavior on internal causes rather than external ones. It is interesting that we have a natural tendency to attribute our own flaws to external factors but other’s flaws to internal ones. It seems that we would extend the same courtesy to others that we do to ourselves. In committing this attribution error we create problems that would otherwise not exist.
The third and final of the most common attribution errors that Floyd describes is overatribution. In overatribution we choose one characteristic about an individual and attribute all of their actions to that trait. In doing this we overlook the real reasons for peoples actions. Our misconceptions can cause problems in our communications and overall relationships with these individuals.
In general, the attribution errors are ways in which we think that make it easier for us to understand the actions of others and the things that happen to us. In committing these misconceptions we come to incorrect conclusions and delude the reality of the situation.
Family Tradition
In describing communication issues among families, Kory Floyd highlights family rituals and family stories as two ways in which we create a sense of belonging and definition among our family members. Floyd points out that family traditions reinforce values and that our stories will often “convey an underlying message about the family” (361).
Growing up in my family, traditions were very important. Some of our rituals included Christmas at my grandparent’s, summer beach trips, and Bush Gardens at least once a year. As the years passed our traditions would evolve. New members would be invited to join and the specifics of our trips would be tweaked according to our changing wants and needs. What was always certain though was that the minute you were included in these trips, you were family.
I have always had a loose definition of family. Mainly it seems like whoever you chose to invite into your home and share your rituals with is a part of your family. Floyd acknowledges that tradition can be especially important for these types of blended families.
Inevitably through years of adventuring the stories surrounding the events emerge, telling of the wild times that our traditions produced. These stories serve to glorify the rituals and the family members, pointing out strengths and eccentricities and acting as historical references to the people and places we have loved.
I am now almost thirty and my family still has very specific traditions. Not only am I a part of these but I have become a part of my wife’s family’s rituals and we are creating new rituals of our own. These traditions help to give our families a sense of unity and define the people we are and the things that are important to us. The stories surrounding them reinforce these traditions and keep our old memories alive.
Growing up in my family, traditions were very important. Some of our rituals included Christmas at my grandparent’s, summer beach trips, and Bush Gardens at least once a year. As the years passed our traditions would evolve. New members would be invited to join and the specifics of our trips would be tweaked according to our changing wants and needs. What was always certain though was that the minute you were included in these trips, you were family.
I have always had a loose definition of family. Mainly it seems like whoever you chose to invite into your home and share your rituals with is a part of your family. Floyd acknowledges that tradition can be especially important for these types of blended families.
Inevitably through years of adventuring the stories surrounding the events emerge, telling of the wild times that our traditions produced. These stories serve to glorify the rituals and the family members, pointing out strengths and eccentricities and acting as historical references to the people and places we have loved.
I am now almost thirty and my family still has very specific traditions. Not only am I a part of these but I have become a part of my wife’s family’s rituals and we are creating new rituals of our own. These traditions help to give our families a sense of unity and define the people we are and the things that are important to us. The stories surrounding them reinforce these traditions and keep our old memories alive.
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